Looking Back
by JesSickUh
Summary: Logan waited...but did it matter?


**Notes:** Written for the Lyric Wheel, lyrics sent by Cassandra Lee. Song is "Lonely Stranger" by Eric Clapton. To Rhion for the quickie beta, as well as the encouragement. This is also to those cynics who like me think that love sucks. I'm still dipping my little toes into the world of fic-writing, and this is my first foray into the Lyric Wheel. I know that everyone is gasping at the possibility of being sent a Britney-Aguilera type song but I wouldn't be opposed to those. No I don't listen to Genie In a Bottle anymore (okay at least not everyday) but I still love pop music. After all, I was (key word "was") a teeny-bopper in high school. Plus I only know two songs by Eric Clapton, so thank you to Cassandra Lee for helping to broaden my horizons. To the originator of the lyric wheel, and to November for feeding my smut addiction and for causing me to break my ice-maker due to said smut. Oh yeah, and I suck at titles.

* * *

I musta been invisible during the first half of my remembered life I fought in countless fights, fucked a number of nameless women; yet nobody knew my name. Not that I ever stuck around anyplace long enough for them to. I tried so many times to kill myself; to be free from this Godforsaken mutation of mine. It all changed when I met Marie.  
  
In a span of two days I was nearly killed four times. Yet here she is standing in fronta me, lookin' for all the world like she's losin' her best friend. Those big brown eyes of hers sayin' the words that her mouth don't seem to wanna say. It's not enough. Almost, but not quite. I'm just gonna turn around and be on my way. She looks like she wants to follow, but she stays rooted to the ground. Wise choice darlin'. Ya don't wanna get close to me. It'll only end up in tears. Hers...and even mine. And she don't need that shit. Not right now. Not ever. Don't ask me to stay. Just let me be. It's better this way.  
  
It's been three years. Enough time has passed so that she's old enough and ready...for me. I wasn't ready to come back to find some guy sniffin' around her. And I sure as shit wasn't ready to see her respondin' to his smiles, his lame-ass come-ons, his touch. I nearly choked on my own damn saliva when I saw him holding her bare hand. As if she knew I was standing there gaping at her, (what was she, psychic now too?) She turned around and practically flew into my arms, nearly knocking me over in the process. "You're back!" "Said I would be."  
  
She then led me over to where her new hand-holdin' buddy was standing. "Logan, this is Remy." She said it almost shyly, but the look on her face showed...pride? What happened after that, I don't really remember. She looked like she didn't want to leave Remy, even for a second, but she led me upstairs to her room so that she could give me back my tag in private. I knew what I had to do. I told her to keep it-this time not to take care of it for me, but to remember me by.  
  
So that's how we got back to square one. Me standin' in the doorway with my bag slung over my shoulder. Marie standin' there with tears in her eyes. Only this time she doesn't keep quiet. "Stay Logan... please? For me?" This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And Lord knows I'd do damn near anything for her...except this. We both know I won't be coming back for anything...or anyone. It took seeing her with another man to make me see the truth-the same truth that everyone but me sees. I'm no good for her. No amount of time spent away would've changed that. Scott, Jean, Storm, they were all right. Damn I hate when that happens. I leaned down to kiss her cheek, marveling at how smooth her skin feels under my lips. Then I tell her to go. "He's waiting for you," I say. She walks backwards to where Remy is in the next room. All the while she is staring at my face as if trying to memorize the way I look. That's right darlin' take a good look, then walk away. That's alright with me, because I'm doin' the same thing. But this time I won't be looking back.

* * *

_Lonely Stranger  
  
By Eric Clapton  
  
I must be invisible;  
  
No one knows me.  
  
I have crawled down dead-end streets  
  
On my hands and knees  
  
I was born with a ragin' thirst,  
  
A hunger to be free,  
  
But I've learned through the years.  
  
Don't encourage me.  
  
Cause I'm a lonely stranger here,  
  
Well beyond my day.  
  
And I don't know what's going on,  
  
So I'll be on my way  
  
When I walk, stay behind;  
  
Don't get close to me,  
  
Cause it's sure to end in tears,  
  
So just let me be  
  
Some will say that I'm no good;  
  
Maybe I agree.  
  
Take a look then walk away.  
  
That's all right with me._


End file.
